TSB’s Top Ten

Chuck's = 5.00
Only Burger = 4.88
Mojoe’s = 4.83
Al's Burger Shack = 4.75
Buns of Chapel Hill = 4.67
Brewmasters Bar and Grill = 4.67
Johnson’s = 4.50
Barry's Cafe = 4.50
Bonefish Grill = 4.42
Salem Street Pub = 4.33

TSB Approved

No announcement available.

The Pen and the Prod – An Uncomfortable Truth

Dear Buffalo wings,

What I am about to write will embarrass you, but I cannot contain my feelings any longer.

I love you.

I love you, I want you, and I need you. I am at peace when we are together, and I long for you when we are apart. You are the very definition of delicious.

There is no need to respond, Buffalo wings. Just know this: I love you now, and I will love you forever.

Je t’embrasse,

Scott


 

Dear hamburgers,

I understand that you saw my letter to Buffalo wings, and that you’re upset. I see now that my admission was tactless and cruel. Please know, hamburgers, that it was never my intention to hurt you.

We’ve been together for many years, you and I, and our memories exceed measure. And despite my affection for Buffalo wings (which, my dearest, I cannot deny!), my love for you shall never diminish.

You are, and will forever remain, my dearest heart.

Grosses bises!

Scott


 

Oh, hello, burger. Fancy meeting you here.

Oh, hello, burger. Fancy meeting you here.

Hey, is that Buffalo wings?

Hey, is that Buffalo wings?

IMG_1366

Om nom uihrueilshuivck

Review #52: Carolina Ale House (Cary)

This review is meant to be enjoyed with a friend—Mad Libs style!

Mad:)Takes - free online Mad Libs™
Mad:)Take

SPORTS-THEMED CHAIN RESTAURANT…VERY POPULAR…LIKE 10-15 LOCATIONS…HELL, JUST SAY “CAROLINA ALE HOUSE”
WORD YOU WOULD USE TO DESCRIBE EVERY STING SOLO ALBUM
PREDICTABLE BURGER TOPPING
SLIGHTLY LESS PREDICTABLE BURGER TOPPING
TRYING-TOO-HARD BURGER TOPPING THAT MAKES YOU SAY “REALLY?”
CELEBRITY WHO IS EXTREMELY FAMOUS, BUT YOU DON’T KNOW WHY
EXACT NAME OF COLLEGE COURSE YOU FOUND SO BORING THAT YOU FORGOT ABOUT IT UNTIL NOW
THING YOU’D MOST LIKE TO BE DOING RIGHT NOW, ENDING IN –ING
THE MOST UNPLEASANT ACTIVITY YOU CAN THINK OF, ENDING WITH –ING
LEAST ATTRACTIVE SUPREME COURT JUSTICE

Scott’s review: 4.25

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Chad’s review: 3.25

chad5bw chad4bw chad3c chad2bw chad1bw

Michael’s review: 3.25

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Overall ranking: 27th out of 52.

Carolina Ale House on Urbanspoon

Review #51 – King’s Sandwich Shop (Durham, NC)

We Three Kings of Burgiatry Are

Art by Will Fernandez

Art by Will Fernandez

 
We three kings of burgiatry are
Bearing hunger we traverse afar
To Geer & Foster, getting lost-er
Following yonder char
 
Refrain
Oh, burger wonder, beefy delight
Patty cooked perfectly right
Westward leading, still proceeding
Guide us to burger insight

The good book tells us that the Three Kings traveled in one accord, which must have gotten pretty crowded, what with all the frankincense and such. We three kings, however, traveled in a roomy and stylish Nissan Maxima. In the course of our research, we did come across the fact that “myrrh” is the ancient Aramaic word for “special sauce,” so maybe we have more in common with our kingly predecessors than we realized.

However, we came not bearing gifts but seeking one, the gift of a well prepared burger.

King's-2-web

King’s Sandwich Shop has been a Durham institution since 1942. It closed in 2007, but after a long-overdue rehab (and some unnecessary regulatory BS) opened again in 2010 under new owners. The neighborhood near the Durham Athletic Park has seen quite a bit of rehab as well, with Geer St. Garden, Manbites Dog Theater, Fullsteam Brewery and Motorco Music Hall all within a very short walk.

King's-1-web

Kings is an archetypal walk-up burger joint with limited outdoor seating. Order at the window in the front, pick up your food at the window on the side. They offer burgers, hot dogs, pulled pork, a reportedly excellent fried shrimp po’boy, and even vegetarian hot dogs and black bean burgers for those whose, um, tastes, run that way. So, yes, you can even take your patchouli-wearing hippie friends and introduce them to some classic Americana.

King's-3-web

Each of us ordered a variation on the King Burger combo. The Reverend Corey supplemented his burger with a milkshake. We were not disappointed. This was the 1950s on a plate, a flat-top griddled burger with a lightly seared exterior on a butter toasted bun. The flavor was rich and beefy and the patties expertly cooked. The milkshake was excellent as well. If you like Char-Grill, you’ll love King’s Sandwich Shop.

King's-5-web

Reverend Corey 4 Classic Burger Babes

4-BurgerBabes

Chad Ward 4 Classic Burger Babes

4-BurgerBabes

Dr. Marino 3.75 Classic Burger Babes

375-BurgerBabes

Overall score, 3.9

King's Sandwich Shop on Urbanspoon

Smashburger Preview

smashsign

The Triangle has become a destination point for high-end burger chains. Five Guys has long had a presence. Zinburger opened at SouthPoint late last year. Before that, Elevation Burger brought its sustainable, organic, grass-fed ethos to Brier Creek. The latest entry in the fast-casual boutique burger war is Smashburger, opening March 12th, 2014 across from Duke Hospital in Durham. Recognizing the power of The Straight Beef, Smashburger PR issued an invitation for a preview tasting.

Smashburger did a wonderful job of giving us a glimpse into how they prepare their tasty burgers. They did more than that, though. Greg Creighton, the chief operating officer, gave us a tremendous amount of information about the philosophy behind why they do what they do.

The location in Durham which opened on March 12th is number 259 for Smashburger. The founder, Tom Ryan, is responsible for the Stuffed Crust Pizza, McGriddle, and McDonald’s Dollar Menu, amongst other fast food innovations. We spoke with the owners, and they plan on opening six to eight more locations in the Triangle.

Greg threw out some interesting facts. Smashburger only uses 100% certified Angus beef in their burgers. The cows are “grain fed, grass finished” in the Midwest and the beef is shipped fresh. Only 8% of the beef used in burgers is certified Angus in the US and Smashburger uses 40% of that. All the buns are baked at a facility in Chicago. We were able to try four different types of bun: egg, multigrain, pretzel, and chipotle. Huzzah! Not a kaiser roll in the bunch.

While Smashburger does have salads, a black bean burger, and chicken sandwiches we won’t touch on those here because this site isn’t The Straight Salad.

This black bean burger is missing something. A patty I think.

This black bean burger is missing something. A beef patty I think.

If you are into thick burgers, Smashburger is not the place for you. They use a proprietary “smasher” to prepare the patties. The beef is seasoned and cooked on a buttered flat grill. The burger is cooked to order, and a properly trained cook can prepare one in 2-3 minutes. The chicken sandwiches are prepared “picatta style.” Everything is flat to help with speed. Their goal is to have a freshly cooked meal ready for you in 6 minutes.

They have burger prep down to a science. Obviously, this is done to make sure the Smashburger experience is consistent not only from location to location but from visit to visit. The length of the smash, the pattern of the sprinkling of the seasoning, the angle of the spatula, the places the temperature is checked – everything has a specific reason for why it is done. The trainer told us that the seasoning side is placed down so that the tongue touches it first. They really have thought of everything.

Burger magic.

Burger magic.

This technique will only work on a flat grill as smashing a patty on an open grill will only get you a flat dry burger. The smasher doesn’t have any holes, so no juices can escape through the top either. If you’re going to try this at home, I would suggest using a small cast-iron skillet or a heavy tea kettle to achieve the same effect. If you want to learn more about this technique, please read the excellent Burger Lab article by J. Kenji López-Alt.

Don! Smash!

Don! Smash!

Enough with statistics and technique, let’s get down to talking about the burgers. We were able to sample four different burgers. The first was the Classic Smash which had American cheese, Smash Sauce, ketchup, lettuce, tomato, pickles, and red onion on an egg bun. I could tell you what’s in the smash sauce, but I would have to kill you. I will say, however, that there is no Thousand Island dressing. The Classic Smash was the best of the bunch as it allowed the flavor of the patty to shine. You can’t go wrong with this choice on your first visit.

Classic Smash

Classic Smash

Next was the BBQ, Bacon & Cheddar Burger, which was topped with cranberry BBQ sauce, applewood-smoked bacon, cheddar cheese, and haystack onions. This combination of flavors would have worked great on a thick burger. Unfortunately, it overwhelmed the thin patty. Maybe order this selection on the chicken sandwich, but the burger disappeared here.

Hello, is there a patty in there?

Hello, is there a patty in there?

The Truffle Mushroom Swiss Burger made up for the previous one. The sautéed crimini mushrooms and truffle mayo accentuated the already flavorful patty. This one’s a really nice change-of-pace burger if you want something a little different for lunch.

The Regional Burger was a Carolina staple, a chilli burger topped with slaw on a pretzel bun. The pretzel bun was necessary to hold the somewhat soupy toppings. It was nice to see they didn’t resort to using a kaiser roll. This one’s solid but nothing that you haven’t had before.

carolinasmash

When you go to Smashburger, get the Classic Smash with one of their top-notch sides. When you go back, experiment and make your own. Unless you go overboard with the toppings, you will not be disappointed.

Notes from the Burger Underground: Five the Hard Way

Five the Hard Way

A Guide to Burger Best Practices

The Straight Beef just celebrated its fourth year and 50th official review. Over that time we have compiled some burgiatric wisdom. Restaurateurs and burger joint owners take note, this is the hard earned truth coming your way. These are my (Chad’s) opinions, not the consensus of The Straight Beef, but we agree on many of them.

corbettpimento

Even excellent burgers get soggy when wrapped in foil

1) No foil! Do NOT wrap your burgers in foil. Just don’t. I don’t care if you were told that foil will keep the burger hot on the way to the table or in the customer’s car on the way home. The truth is that wrapping a burger in foil simply steams it. The bun becomes soggy, and toppings like pimento cheese or chili just turn into soup. Your perfectly cooked patty turns into a grey, flavorless puck molecularly welded to a soft goo formed from what was once the bun. If the customer made the mistake of ordering a chili cheeseburger, they now have to eat it with a spoon. There is a very good reason that In ‘n’ Out and other lauded chains use the “burger diaper” wrap. It works. Here’s a tutorial on how to wrap burgers in the parchment available from any restaurant supply.670px-Tuck-each-triangle-under-the-burger-one-at-a-tim-7

2) No Kaiser Roll! Unless your burger is greater than a half pound, you have no need of the structural support of a kaiser roll. A kaiser roll is too bready, too chewy, too much for most burgers. It overwhelms and completely buries the flavor of the patty. The proper burger to bun ratio has the burger patty slightly overhanging the bun. If the patty is completely enclosed in the bun you have too much bread. The traditional bun for a flat-top-cooked, diner-style burger is the potato roll. Even better is the brioche bun. If you want to see it done perfectly, order the burger at Buns in Chapel Hill with a brioche bun from 9th St. Bakery. That’s what it’s like when a perfect bun and a perfectly cooked burger come together. The only exception to the No Kaiser rule is for pub-style burgers of more than 8–10 ounces. A flame-kissed burger that’s more than half to three-quarters of a pound might actually need the hefty, juice-absorbing foundation that a kaiser roll offers.

No-Kaiser

No Kaiser Rolls!

3) No Gimmick Burgers! We used to make a point of ordering whatever “signature burger” a place offered, figuring that was where the chef or owner really wanted to shine and would put his or her best efforts. In the spiraling arms race of burger weirdness, those signature burgers have become freak shows. The happy surprises — like the “My Wife Said It Wouldn’t Sell” burger at Salem St. Pub in Apex, a peanut butter and honey burger that is absolutely delicious — gave way to monstrous concoctions of buttermilk Ranch bacon burgers dipped in desperation and deep fried on a donut. If you feel the need to create a Tex-Mex by Way of India burger with queso, masa harina and ghost chiles … Resist. Just don’t. If your signature burger comes with a warning, a waiver, or gets the eater’s photo on the wall, you have left the true path of burger wisdom and gone over to the dark side.

carrottop-gym

If your signature burger was a person, who would it be?

4) DO offer your burgers in a variety of sizes. While a 5.5oz (1/3lb) patty is just about perfect, anything from 5oz to 8oz works. Al’s Burger Shack in Chapel Hill offers its burgers in 3oz, 6oz and 9oz patties, allowing the diner to pick a portion that suits his appetite. Most places offer a double for those looking for a little more fulfillment. Borrowing from the Freakburger theme of #3 above, your 16oz “Enormity Burger” is a sideshow, not a meal. Keep it manageable. If I have to unhinge my jaws like a python to take a bite, you have failed.

5) Pay attention to the little things. House cut fries score major points. They let me know you care. I can tell freshly cut potatoes from the crap that came out of a Sysco bag. Unless you are buying the same frozen fries that chef Thomas Keller developed for Bouchon, you are better off investing the $50 in a french fry cutter and learning to properly double fry. IT MAKES A DIFFERENCE. So do toppings. Shred your lettuce. It’s a small thing, but shredded lettuce is so much better than the bun sliding around against a wilted leaf of iceberg. Oh, and tomatoes are seasonal. If they don’t taste like summer, leave them off. You’re just making the bun soggy.

I have exhausted my allotment of exclamation points for the month. These are some of the things that separate an average burger place from a spectacular burger place. You’ve still got to get the basics right. Use excellent beef. Grind it fresh every day. Buy your buns locally or make them in-house. Learn to cook to temp. After that, these five hard lessons should help keep  you on the path to greatness.

Review #50 – Burger Five-0! Umstead Hotel Bar (Cary, NC)

(cue horns and surf guitars)

Book ‘em, Danno. Burger One.

It’s not every day that The Straight Beef conducts its 50th official review. Assuming that no one would recognize us if we disguised ourselves as upstanding citizens of means,  we duded up and headed to the swankiest Triangle-area joint with the word “burger” on the menu: The Umstead Hotel & Spa.

The Umstead is Cary’s luxury resort hotel. The hotel’s restaurant, Herons, is a five-star, five-diamond establishment – the kind of place where your tie is expected to wear a tie.

While we clean up well, we’re not five-diamond material. Five tater tots, maybe. Diamonds, not so much. We opted for the bar. The bar menu is more casual, and, more importantly, features a hamburger which Scott (Dr. Blumenthal, taking the place of Jack Lord as Steve McGarrett) had tried previously and raved about.

Umstead burger

The Umstead Burger: Vine Ripe Tomatoes, House Pickles, Choice of Cheese, Herbed Fries $18

We were in a great mood. We were celebrating a milestone in The Straight Beef and wanted to cap off our 50th review with a great score. The service was impeccable, the sides were well executed, the drinks paired up nicely. We had a great time, great conversation, and great drinks. The burgers . . . well, witness testimony varies.

Four undercover burgiatrists ordered four cheeseburgers, three medium rare and one medium. We received two medium rare burgers, one that was on the medium-well side of medium and one that was decidedly – frighteningly – rare. It wasn’t quite, “Oh my god, is it still pulsing?” rare, but it was close. Close enough that an experienced and adventurous eater felt the need to send it back.

Condiments

The Umstead does not skimp on condiments, though they are not house made

Don (the Reverend Corey, founder of Transcendental Burgiatry) said, “the Umstead was good, not great. I had to return my burger, and though the meat had great texture, I still thought it lacked a little flavor. The build was sloppy. The brioche bun was nice, but not as good as 9th Street Bakery brioche at Buns in Chapel Hill, and the tomato could have been more ripe. Overall it was around a 3.75 (especially when factoring in the re-burger).”

Michael (Dr. Marino, master of condiments) added, “I found the patty perfect in flavor and texture. As we discussed, I like the beef ground multiple times. The Umstead’s had a silky consistency that was a pleasure to eat. The fault was in the build. The bun was average as well. I gave it a 4.25.”

Don & Michael

The Reverend Don Corey and Dr. Michael Marino

Chad (former burgiatry supervillain) retorted testily, “Yes, the beef was truly excellent. If I were reviewing the patty alone I would have rated it much higher, but the bun slid around on a piece of wilted lettuce and a flavorless tomato. I give it a begrudging 4.0. It was a good burger, but if we took price into consideration the score would be lower. The value to flavor ratio is just not there unless you are on an expense account.”

Off season produce

Wilted lettuce and flavorless, out-of-season tomatoes detracted from an otherwise excellent burger

Scott (Dr. Blumenthal, international burger historian) countered, “I’m giving it a 4.5. My two prior experiences were a solid 5.0. Chad, you are giving it a 4.0 (a recommendable burger), and it looks like Michael’s review is also very high. So if anything, it seems that the conclusion should be, ‘Oh sh*t that was good.’ We knew going in that it’s a nationally recognized joint with high prices. We can’t really ding them for that.”

Scott & Chad

Dr. Scott Blumenthal, renowned burger historian and Chad Ward, former international burgiatry supervillian

The renowned Dr. Blumenthal is correct. While by Generally Accepted Accounting Practices, the Umstead cheeseburger should come with a quart of high-octane champagne and a foot massage from a bevy of showgirls, we deliberately chose a special occasion venue for our special occasion and will not factor price into consideration of our rating. While we would have loved to give the Umstead a 5.0 on our Five-0, we give it a 4.125.

Overall ranking 17 out of 50.

The Straight Beef Podcast #11

The Straight Beef Episode 11 is super-sized for your listening pleasure. A decadent discussion of the top 10 toppings as determined by a burgiatric conclave. Download the episode here or subscribe to us using iTunes.

The Straight Beef Podcast #10

The Straight Beef celebrates Halloween in January as it looks back on its five most horrifying burgers. You can download it via our Libsyn feed or you can subscribe here.

2013: The Year in Burgiatry

As the waiter takes the check and we brush the final crumbs of 2013 from our clothes, it is time for a bit of reflection, a moment’s pause to consider the highs and lows of the 2013 year in burgiatry.

  • The Straight Beef closed the books on the year’s reviews on the highest of notes. Al’s Burger Shack in Chapel Hill completely floored all four reviewers in the waning days of December. Despite the restaurant only being open a short while, the burgers there were rated the best of the year and among the top five hamburgers The Straight Beef has encountered in its four year history.

    Super. Thanks for asking.

    Super. Thanks for asking.

  • The Al’s review also garnered the most attention of any Straight Beef post in 2013, with a huge number of page views and more than 500 Facebook shares. Al’s Burger Shack continued an emerging trend – Chapel Hill, NC, is rapidly becoming burger Mecca. Al’s joins Buns of Chapel Hill and Top This to score a hat trick, a trifecta of great hamburgers within a square mile of one another.
  • 2013 also saw catastrophic lows, a hamburger so horrifying that the Reverend Corey not only could not finish it, but swore off hamburgers for nearly a month before having his faith (and appetite) renewed in a Dante-esque moment at Top This.

    This picture is not out of focus. The burger was so bad it was blurry.

    This picture is not out of focus. The burger was so bad it was blurry.

  • 2013 saw expansions – both technological and geographic – in the reach of professional burgiatry. The Straight Beef launched its podcast series, bringing burgiatric wisdom to those who would otherwise not have access to the depth of knowledge that The Straight Beef offers.
  • We also published our second international review. The first was Dr. Blumenthal’s 2011 video review of Café Chappe in Paris, while the latest was Reverend Corey’s glowing and redemptive review of the hamburger at Dish in Prague, Czech Republic.
  • This year saw a nationwide explosion of bizarre gimmick hamburgers, starting with a $380,000 vat-grown burger. We used to refer to these as “Look at Me!”burgers. Now we think of them as “Look at me – and run away!” burgers. Hamburgers with fried macaroni & cheese buns, hamburgers with ramen buns, triple-patty monstrosities with battered, buttermilk fried bacon (no, we’re not kidding), and 7-layer burgers made the national news. Where we formerly gleefully ordered whatever hamburger an establishment called its “signature burger,” we have learned through rueful experience that these are overwrought, overthought, and definitely overbought. Stay away.

    SteaknShake_7x7Burger

    Steak & Shake 7×7 Burger

  • The greatest story of the year, however, the one worthy of the Bob Costas-with-a-tear-in-his-eye-at-the-Olympics moment, has to be the redemption of Straight Beef burgiatrist emeritus Dr. John McManus. Dr. McManus suffered a shocking breakdown that estranged him from his colleagues and removed him from the field of serious burgiatric inquiry. Early in 2013, despite all odds, Dr. McManus made a miraculous recovery and is once again at the forefront of hamburger research, having finally attained the Holy Grail of hamburgers – a five star burger at GAS in Florida.

    JM Gas 1

    Welcome back, Dr. McManus!

This closes the fourth year of The Straight Beef, our first year as the new four-man lineup, and the first year of the Reverend Corey’s Reverend Rants and Chad’s Notes from the Burger Underground in addition to the enduring features the Tao of Cow and Ask the Burgiatrist.

Stay tuned fearless readers, 2014 promises even more burger news and reviews, starting with The Straight Beef’s 50TH review! (yes, it deserves an exclamation point!)

Burgiatry Breakthrough!

Durham’s Ninth Street Bakery Offers Brioche Bun

Ari and his soon to be world famous brioche bun.

Ari Berenbaum has spectacular buns.

There is one ingredient that always makes food taste better. It’s called “love.” It’s also called “butter.” And when there’s love and butter, magic happens.

That magic happened recently when The Straight Beef met with Ari Berenbaum, the new owner of Durham’s Ninth Street Bakery, to taste his brioche hamburger bun. Our host was George Ash, owner of Buns, Chapel Hill’s boutique burger joint, one of our top five burger places.

The Straight Beef has always taken a firm stance on hamburger buns. A bun is more than a mere delivery system. A good bun can make or break a hamburger. The classic diner-style burger bun is a squishy potato roll, which is perfect for a single patty cooked on a flat-top, but for anything larger, it tends to disintegrate with each bite, leaving the eater with a sloppy handful of patty and condiments. On the other end of the spectrum are wheat buns and the dreaded Kaiser roll, which offer greater structural stability but at the expense of excessive breadiness and too much chew.

Brioche, rich with butter and eggs, is a classic French-enriched bread. It is usually found in popover or loaf form and served at holidays. Ari Berenbaum has turned it into what may be the perfect hamburger bun.

Ari explained how the brioche bun is different from normal buns: In addition to the tenderness provided by eggs and milk, the introduction of softened butter–after the other ingredients are mixed–allows for ribbons of butter to layer in the dough.

“There is a richness to brioche,” Ari said, “a depth of flavor, a yeastiness and balance that you don’t often find in a hamburger bun.”

In the interests of objective burgiatric science, we tasted the brioche by itself. It was light, soft and delicious, with a beautiful sweet butter favor. Then we tasted George’s standard wheat and regular buns. The brioche crust was softer and easier to bite through, the crumb was light and airy, and the flavor trumped both other buns easily.

The real test came, however, with the burgers. Could the brioche bun stand up to a variety of toppings? Reverend Corey ordered his burger with bacon, grilled onions, American cheese and a fried egg to see how the light interior of the bun withstood the wet toppings and the ravages of a lava-like egg yolk.

Mr. Ward went classic with pickles, mayonnaise and sharp cheddar, the Spartan selection highlighting the interaction of the bun and patty.

Both burgers were enhanced by the brioche bun, adding depth and a hint of butter to each bite. While the bun had a way of dissolving quickly in the mouth, allowing the favors of the burger and toppings to come through, the interior remained structurally sound almost until the end, surrendering to the juiciness of the burger and toppings only at the last bite or so.

As always, the burgers at Buns were perfectly cooked and seasoned, offering the ideal test platform for the bun.

Ninth Street Bakery’s brioche buns are exclusive to Buns in Chapel Hill for the time being, but Ninth Street distributes its breads in grocery and specialty stores from Greensboro to Raleigh. The bakery expects to have brioche buns in Harris Teeter and Whole Foods stores in the upcoming months.

Pictured from left. Ari, Don, Chad, and George Ash.

Pictured from left. Ari, Don, Chad, and George Ash.