Reverend Rants: The Ten Condimandments

There comes a time when you, the pilgrim, must be guided, taken by the hand and led through the perils of this vast and treacherous landscape. It is not enough to love the burger. But rather when you seek the enlightenment that comes from preparing the burger, there are ten very strong suggestions, “condimandments,” if you will, that will help you on your spiritual journey.


I have come down from on high.

1)     Thou shalt clean the grill.

2)     Thou shalt avoid the frozen burger.

3)     Thou shalt use fresh and premium ingredients and toppings.

4)     Thou shalt shape the burger to be more flat than round.

5)     Thou shalt only use beef or bison.

6)     Thou shalt be bold yet show reverence to the burger.

7)     Thou shalt toast the bun.

8)     Thou shalt not burn the burger.

9)     Thou shalt not allow anyone else to flip the burger.

10)   Thou shalt be humble when praise is given.

Follow in these steps and you will know what it means to walk with the burger, be at one with the burger, and live the burger.