Review #73 – Village Burger (Chapel Hill, NC)

Village Burger is a little hard to find. As it turns out, that’s one of it’s best features. The place has a lot to live up to. Chapel Hill is home to Al’s Burger Shack, Buns, and Top This, all truly excellent burger places. But as Michael said, Village Burger doesn’t even live up to Wendy’s.

We had a difficult time finding Village Burger. It’s tucked away in University Mall, near Southern Seasons. Given the gorgeous website, great logo, and the claims of a world famous chef char grilling burgers and placing them lovingly on a buttery brioche bun, our expectations were high. The website actually includes the words “gourmet work of art.” Well, all right then. Please bring us a great burger. Make us sing your praises. We’re happy to do so if the burger is that good. The burger at Village Burger wasn’t.

Let’s be honest here. Writing a bad review can be a lot of fun. You can be snarky and mean and hilariously funny. Village Burger doesn’t warrant that. We don’t really want to write bad reviews. We want places to succeed. We want them to wow us with a spectacular burger. Places like Al’s Burger Shack do that. They blow our minds and we’re deliriously happy to write a great review. If we can sneak in a little humor, that’s great. The truly awful places get funny reviews that include the smackdown they deserve. Those are fun to write because we don’t have to hold back. This is somewhere in between. Village Burger is a strip mall food court burger, and not a good one.

Chad had the Village Burger, a 1/3 lb of purportedly Angus chuck with feta cheese. It was overcooked, under seasoned, and dry. Feta cheese is pungent and salty, but it barely added enough flavor to make the burger palatable. Chad went back for pickles to add to the toppings, hoping for something to add some flavor.

Hello? Flavor?

It was a hopeless task. The burger tasted like something you might microwave at a convenience store at 3:00 in the morning. The fries were good, though. On the Straight Beef scale, this was a 2 out of 5.

Michael had the Village Burger with cheddar cheese. This burger suffered from what I call Elevation sickness. Elevation burger spends a lot of energy touting the ingredients, but does not deliver where it is important. It misses out on the little things like taste, build, and being cooked properly.

There is a burger in there behind all the tots and lettuce.

The tots were excellent, though, and abundant, as though they were trying to make up for the lackluster burger by engulfing it in tater tots. Michael’s rating is 2.5 out of 5.

Don barely remembers his burger. When asked his thoughts he replied, “What were we talking about? The burger? I have no recollection.” Either he blocked it from his mind, or it was solidly forgetful.

Don’s rating is 2.5 out of 5.

Overall rating 2.33 out of 5 for 70 out of 73.

Review #72 – b.good (Raleigh, NC)

Dearest Jolinda,

I know it has been a long time since I have written. I made a fantastic deal with the Easterners to bring back some high quality saffron, and they decided to include tomatoes. I have heard tell of a new sauce the Far East called ke-tsiep. It will go quite splendidly as a dipping sauce for chips. I think it will sell quite well. I shall call it Sir Kensington’s Ketchup.

When we made it to America, we had a few days of rest. I decided to go exploring and order a common burger at a tavern B. Good. I know, I was shocked as well. I even ordered the Buffalo. What is that you might say? It is a spice combination from the New World that combines a tangy sauce with bleu cheese and shaved celery. I decided against the carrots. I mean, I was going out on a limb with the celery. Can you believe it? Celery. On a hamburger.

The concoction was shockingly good. The mix of orange sauce absorbing into bleu cheese and the fresh crunch of the celery. All atop a perfectly medium fresh-made patty.

My only quibble was the toppings were sloppily placed. If they were centered on the toasted bun, it would have achieved perfection. As a result, I give it a 4.75.

Regards,

Reginald Kensington

Dear Reginald,

I am writing you to inform you that Jolinda is no longer interested in your courting. As I have taken her to B. Good’s myself and indelibly marked her heart with their food and my intentions. In fact, so honored were they with our visit, they named the burger I ordered after myself called the Cousin Oliver.

I proclaimed my love for their burger by requesting a second patty be added to the most delectable combination of lettuce, tomato, onions and Chef Tony’s homemade pickles, plus I dared to add cheese and might I add, it made all the difference.  Jolinda was so overcome with feelings of joy and happiness that we had found and tasted a 5.0 together, we knew it to be a sign that our love was true.

Regards,

Oliver Milkshake

Ollie and Reggie,

You know how very fond I am of you both, but I regret to inform you that I have had the most amazing experience which has verily made me rethink my love.  The sensational new experience of this burger from B. Good has marked my soul indelibly.  I will be forever in your debt, Ollie, since you introduced me to this new and remarkable provision!  Please forgive me as I must correct your misunderstanding – my love and joy was for the burger, and I must be true to what my heart desires.

I, too, ordered a burger with a concoction from this Buffalo location.  With the addition of celery, carrots, bleu cheese and a hearty bun, I was hopeful yet suspicious. Indeed, my first bite was overly full with the buffalo sauce and my heart wavered.  However, each subsequent bite was better than the last and by the end, the taste buds of my mouth were flying.  The meat was well seasoned and salty.  The celery and the carrots were snappy, not overpowering. Each topping was well-proportioned although I do agree with you, Reggie, that the toppings were weakly structured.  On the whole, however, it was divine, my darlings. Simply divine 4.75.

Fondly,

Jolinda

Overall rating: 4.83 – 3 out of 72

Review #71 – William’s Gourmet Kitchen (Durham, NC)

These are the voyages of The Straight Beef. Our seven-year mission: to seek out new burgers and new toppings, to boldly go where … ah, screw it. Sometimes a burgiatrist is just tired of the adventure-burger of the week and wants something comfortable and predictable. We here at The Straight Beef are intrepid eaters. We’ll try just about anything once, even if it gives us the meat sweats, but sometimes we just want to go where everybody knows our name. Scratch that, we’re mixing classic TV metaphors. Sometimes we just want something we know is good, that we don’t have to think too hard about, and that isn’t too far away.

For Chad, that’s the Salem Street Pub in Apex. For Michael, it’s William’s Gourmet Kitchen near the intersection of highway 55 and highway 54 in Durham.

With Don in Prague for an international burgiatry conference and Carolyn on the DL, Michael and Chad sallied forth to William’s for a straightforward, no-nonsense great burger.

Michael: I ordered the special burger of the day, the Bacon Lovers Burger — six strips of bacon, cheddar cheese, and bacon aioli. I know you’re thinking, “Six strips of bacon? That must have been a mess.” Au contraire. The strips were layered in both directions and held together with a generous amount of cheddar cheese. It was difficult to tell, but I bet they cooked the patty to medium rare, then put on a piece of cheddar cheese, carefully placed the bacon, added another piece of cheese and left it to cook under a lid for 30-45 seconds. It was too perfectly melted together to have been done any other way.

So. Much. Bacon.

So. Much. Bacon.

The brioche bun was slathered with a bacon aioli. I’m not usually one for bacon stunts, but William’s nailed it. Smoky crisp bacon, loads of oozing cheese, a perfectly cooked patty. They were also thoughtful enough to not throw on the perfunctory lettuce, tomato, and onion. This burger was smoky salty goodness wrapped in a soft brioche bun that was more than up to the task of holding this monster together.

Chad: Let’s get the obvious out of the way. William’s Gourmet Kitchen looks like a repurposed Wendy’s, but like Durham’s Only Burger, the plain looks belie the wonders therein. I ordered the Black & Blue Burger, a blackened-spiced patty with blue cheese crumbles, pickles and blue cheese dressing.

I have some quibbles. The blackening spice, which should bring some New Orleans style Cajun heat to the party was not as present as I would have liked. It was a little tame. Likewise, the blue cheese barely registered on my palate. A blackened burger with blue cheese should be a flavor beast, a potent combination of spicy, salty goodness. This burger was much more subtle than that.

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On the other hand, the mild toppings really let the flavor of the patty shine through, and shine it did. This was a perfectly cooked, beefy hamburger that I’d rate as among the best in the Triangle.

In his book Plain Talk About Fine Wine, the late, great Justin Meyer of Silver Oak described a monthly gathering of California winemakers. They didn’t talk about “nose” or “finish” or “terroir.” The greatest compliment one winemaker could give another was, “That’s a damn fine wine. I wish I’d made it.”

In my day job as a cookbook author, and in my alter ego as former burgiatry supervillain, I’ve eaten hundreds of burgers. I’ve probably cooked twice that many. To the good folks at William’s Gourmet Kitchen I’ll say, that’s a damn fine burger. I wish I’d made it.

(The rest of my WGK photos can be found here. — MM)

Michael’s review: I couldn’t really find any faults with this burger. I give it a 5.0

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Chad’s review: The Black & Blue Burger was a little tamer than I expected, but still an excellent burger. I give it a 4.5.

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Overall rating: 4.75 for 5 out of 71

Review #69: Burger 21 (Cary, NC)

Meh

In 2015, the Oxford English Dictionary, the definitive record of the English language, added the word Meh, an interjection expressing indifference or lack of enthusiasm. It is interesting to note that all three Straight Beef reviewers used the word in their notes on Burger 21.

In many ways, Burger 21 is perfectly suited to the town of Cary. It is bland, innocuous, and fiercely determined not to stand out in any way. It is the Little Burger that Could–ish. Mostly. You root for it. You want to see it succeed, but it never quite makes it all the way up the hill.

Let’s put it this way, like the little league team that doesn’t play particularly well but still shows up and puts out a modicum of effort, Burger 21 gets a Participation Trophy.

Within the somewhat Spartan strip mall decor, the walls are decorated with various slogans that emphasize the B in Burger 21, like “B different,” “B shaken,” and “B saucy.” What you don’t see is “B interesting,” or “B flavorful.”

B better!

B better!

As Carolyn noted, “Tellingly, I cannot at this point recall with specificity which burger I had (my magic eight ball thinks perhaps it was the Cinco) but what I do recall is that it wasn’t bad.  I remember I liked the bun but have no present recollection of the actual burger beyond generalizations. I remember the milkshake being super tasty and the fries being good with some moderately interesting dipping sauces, but I just don’t remember the burger! For a Tuesday night “crap, what am I going to do for dinner!?” emergency, swinging by Burger 21 (if it is on your way home) would be totally reasonable.  Driving out of your way for it?  Meh.  Like the DMV, if gets the job done but not prettily or quickly.

Carolyn’s rating: 2.5 out of 5

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Michael was more generous with his appraisal, “Upscale burger joints really need to stand out in order to attract customers. Failing that, they need to be in a great location and not be terrible. Burger 21 in Cary stands somewhere in between those. It is in a bustling shopping center in grease splatter distance of a huge apartment complex. My Bacon Cheesy was capably prepared. Don’t take that as damning with faint praise. It was solid and tried to be a great burger. It will keep the locals coming back, but I don’t know if I’d go out of my way to go again. My Burger 21 experience in Tampa was much better. I give Burger 21 in Cary a solid meh.

Michael’s rating: 3.5 out of 5

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As Chad noted, “With spectacular local options like Chuck’s, Only Burger or Al’s Burger Shack in the area, boutique chain burger places have to work pretty hard stand out. Five Guys, Smashburger, Burger Bach, Burgerfi, and Zinburger have all found success in the Triangle for good reason, they make a damn fine burger. However, Burger 21 reminds me a lot of Elevation Burger, a place with great potential but disappointing execution. My Bacon Cheesy burger was competently prepared, but nothing worth getting excited about or coming back for. It wasn’t bad, per se, just unremarkable. I’d rather go to Char-Grill. Another Meh from me.”

Chad’s rating: 3 out of 5

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Overall Rating: 3 out of 5, making Burger 21 54 out of 69.

Review #68 – Freddy’s Frozen Custard and Steakburgers

Freddy’s is a throwback, a modern take on the 50’s-60’s diner. A drive in, but only with a drive thru window. It is so Middle America, you half expect to see Richie Cunningham saying “sit on it, Potsie” in the corner booth. So, our intrepid reviewers donned their white tees and poodle skirts and slicked backed their hair to experience Arnold’s, I mean, Freddy’s Frozen Custard and Steakburger, first hand in technicolor in front of a live studio audience.

INTERIOR FREDDY’S (NIGHT)

The four Burger experts enter Freddy’s. Bright lights, a few family patrons scattered in the dining area. The mood is bright and festive. Chad, Mike and Reverend Don all sport white tees, rolled up jeans. Chad used enough Pomade to sink a battleship to perfect his pompadour. Carolyn sports a poodle skirt, a Pink Ladies-style satin jacket, and saddle shoes. (applause)

REV. DON

I have never been here – what’s the recommendation?

MICHAEL

For you, I suggest a lobotomy…. (Crowd laughs)

REV. DON

Sit on it, Mikey! I mean what are you going to order?

CHAD

Might I suggest, anything on the menu, this is straight Americana, Boys and Girls.

CAROLYN

Burgers and Sundae’s? Boy isn’t this place just dreamy.

MICHAEL

I think I will go with the Bacon and Cheese Double Steakburger.

AYYYYYYYYY!

REV. DON

Gee that sounds swell. I think I will go with the Double Steak Burger California Style because if it is California it must be cool, unlike you squares. (laughter) But hold the sauce- you know I don’t dig the sauces.

CHAD

If only you could hold your sauce (mimes someone drinking)… (laughter) I think I will hit up the Original Double.

CAROLYN

Since I’m a tried and true type of gal, I’m sticking with the original.

(After ordering the four sit down in a booth and proceed to get their food.)

CHAD

The double burger gets a double thumbs up and an “Ayyyyy!” There was a skirt of crunchy beef around the edge of the smashed patty, which was cooked to a perfect medium in the center. The ultra-thin, ultra-crispy bacon complemented the burger like a poodle skirt and bobby socks. I give this a solid 4.0 and with the addictive skinny fries, the whole experience was almost as good as a drive to Inspiration Point.

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MICHAEL

That’s the only thing that would be going up to Inspiration Point with you! (laughter) I. Found. My. Thrill. On. The bacon cheese double. It gets a 4.0 from me.

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CAROLYN

Boy-oh-boy does this burger hit the spot!  The double flattened patties with the perfect amount of mustard and long-sliced pickles are everything a Pink Lady could ask for and more.  Add some cheese and that burger is the bees knees!  I’d rather come here and grab a Freddy’s radioactive burger and fries with my Daddy-O rather than hit up that silly hand jive dance-off any day of the week.  4.0

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REV. DON

Yep Yep Yep, that was a good burger. As you said straight Americana. I give it a 4.0, and I give this Chocolate Brownie Delight Sundae my digits, it can call me anytime. I’ve still got it!

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Overall rating: 4.0 for 32 out of 68

Full resolution burger photos for Freddy’s can be found over at 500px.

Review #66 – Krafty’s Burgers and Brews (Garner, NC)

FADE IN:

FX:       Whirling newspaper that stops to reveal the headline “Krafty’s Burgers & Brews.”

SUPER:    Burgertone News Presents!

SOUND FX: Morse code telegraph sound -.- .-. .- ..-. – -.– .—-. …

ANNCR:    Dateline: Garner, North Carolina, a burg that knows a good burger!

Krafty’s Burger and Brews is a small restaurant and pub with big burger plans. Even before the official grand opening, Burgertone News! was there to bring you the exclusive.

There was a time in this great land where a man would be subject to ridicule if he ordered anything but mustard on his hamburger, and Krafty’s knows it, delivering the Old Fashioned, a hefty half pound of fresh Angus beef adorned with nothing but mustard and the cheese of your choice. This IS your father’s hamburger, and his father’s before that. This is the hamburger that fed the hardworking men and women of America and fueled the nation to greatness. Our reporter’s Old Fashioned burger was expertly cooked to a pink medium with a textbook perfect char on the exterior.

WARD:     “My Old Fashioned was truly excellent, so good that I started to speak like an old time radio announcer and now can type only in Courier font.”

ANNCR:    The Old Fashioned was marred only by a slightly dry potato roll, a complaint shared by our other correspondents.

Krafty's Old Fashioned is the bee's knees. It's the berries, I tell ya.

Krafty’s Old Fashioned is the bee’s knees. It’s the berries, I tell ya.

Eminent burgiatrist, Dr. Michael Marino eschewed the Old Fashioned and charged headlong into the future, ordering a hamburger topped with Irish bacon, Guinness barbecue sauce and three onion rings. He not only survived the ordeal but thrived on it.

MARINO:   “I know there was a potato famine, but that’s no reason to not use a moist potato bun. I needed a full Bib-Label Lithiated Lemon-Lime Soda to wash it down. That being said, the Guiness BBQ Burger was a whiz-bang good burger.

ANNCR:    The Reverend Don Corey, a man of the cloth as well as a man of the bun, was equally generous in his praise.

COREY:    “That Slam Burger was a real ducky shincracker in my mouth, see. It almost doesn’t need the tots!

Michael’s rating 4.25

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Don’s rating 4.25

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Chad’s rating 4.25

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ANNCR:    There you have it, faithful Burgertone News! fans. You know that you’ll never get anything but The Straight Beef from our reporters. To learn more about Krafty’s Burger & Brews, tune to kraftysburgers.com on your internet dial.

Overall rating 4.25 – 17 out of 66

Guest Review: Nu-Way Lounge, A Classic Dive Bar Burger in Spartanburg, SC

Southern lifestyle magazine Garden & Gun recently published a paean to a quintessential dive bar: Our Kind of Place: Nu-Way Lounge & Restaurant

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Photo spread from Garden & Gun article on Nu-Way Lounge & Restaurant. Click to read.

I said to Becky, the owner who worked the grill on this particular day, “I want a Redneck burger, and I need a plain burger with nothing on it for my dog.”

She said, “Your dog’s outside?” I nodded. She said, “You got a leash? You can bring him in.”

I said, “Yeah, I do. How nice,” and got Dooley out of the Jeep.

I don’t want to get all existential and dog-whispering about this, but when I brought Dooley in I pretty much felt him saying, “Wow! Thanks. Can we play that bowling game?” (George Singleton, Garden & Gun, Aug/Sep 2014)

This place sounded too good to miss. Luckily Spartanburg designer and artist Jane Beckler Bird is an old friend and a fan of classic cheeseburgers. She quickly was sworn in as Adjunct Burgiatrist and guest reviewer. Here’s what she had to say.

“Despite being a resident of Spartanburg, South Carolina, for a decade I had visited only two of the three known “burger dives” in this town – The Beacon and Ike’s Korner Grille. At last, I made it to Nu-Way Restaurant and Lounge, a renowned player in this heavenly trifecta. The White Trash Burger did not disappoint…

Nu-Way is truly a burger dive with no frills – just a row of barstools, a handful of tables and a fully stocked bar (complete with the usuals as well as local craft beer). Friendly staff, who seem to know everyone in the place, are eager to please. Clever menu items make selection tough (they all sound great) with Redneck Cheeseburger, Trailer Park Burger and such, but I settled upon a favorite there: The White Trash Cheeseburger.

Nu-Way White Trash Burger

Nu-Way White Trash Burger: hand pattied beef, homemade slaw, mustard, pickles, onions, chili, jalapenos, and American cheese

The White Trash features a sizeable angus patty grilled to taste and includes American cheese, pickles, onions, jalapeno chiles, slaw, mustard and whatever else you wish added for that matter. It’s served on a classic sesame seed bun that perfectly soaks in all the ingredients’ deliciousness. Yeah… a good ol’ messy burger you only eat around those you really love! Paired with some crispy shoestring fries, this burger really hit the spot. It was so filling I elected to take half home for later, and trust me, this is one burger that does leftover very well. It was even amazing the next day!

I am not a well versed foodie or writer of reviews, but I do know a great burger when I find one. Nu-Way’s White Trash Cheeseburger is a must if you’re in downtown Spartanburg. It has close rivalry, but that’s for another writeup another time. Enjoy!” Jane Beckler Bird

NuWay Pet Friendly

Photo borrowed from the Nu-Way Facebook page. Looks like they really are pet friendly.

Renegade Review: Crush Street Food (Prague, Czech Republic)

Czech burger truck

As I travel this crazy burger-loving world, it becomes increasingly obvious that burgers are attaining their rightful status as a national meal. It warms this burgiatrist’s heart.

My burgiatric travels recently took me to Prague, where I learned about a new burger venture called Crush Street Food (www.crush.cz). Jan Picha, the brains behind Crush, was driven to burger greatness. In order to get his burger to the people, he retro-fitted an old Citroën truck into a burger-making machine. I discovered this silver beast among a throng of food vendors—a veritable olfactory celebration—in the Andel area of the city.

Jan explained to me that today he was serving the Hovezi Burger—a beef burger topped with grilled red peppers, pickled red onions, tzatziki sauce, lettuce, cheddar cheese, and chipotle ketchup.

Czech burger

Quite simply, the burger was great. Fresh, hot, juicy, and very tasty—the burger grand slam. The patty was nicely charred, the bun was toasted perfectly, and the toppings did not overpower the perfectly seasoned patty.

Well played, Crush. Well played. And yes, I’ll take the easy pun: You crushed it.

Don’s score: 4.75 out of 5.0

Review #53 — Rally Point Sport Grill (Cary)

Strip Mall Surprise: A Recipe

skeptical-burgiatrist

The skeptical burgiatrist at work. An original watercolor.

Ingredients:

  • 3 skeptical burgiatrists
  • 1 generic strip mall sports bar
  • 3 burgers
  • 2 orders of hot wings

Preparation:
Receive an email about yet another “best burger in the Triangle!!!” with too many exclamation points and questionable source data from Rally Point Sport Grill in Cary.

Review painfully slow website. Preheat snark to medium.

Arrive at generic strip mall sports bar. Note the Skee ball machines and clusters of patrons at the bar—and the virtually empty dining room—and lower expectations to simmer.

Order wings and beers. Note with mild surprise the tastiness of the wings while lamenting the skimpiness of the beer menu. (Remember that too much lamenting this early in the recipe can lead to some bitterness.)

Order three half-pound burgers: one Carolina burger with chili and coleslaw, one Cheddar burger, and—taking one for the team—one Mac & Cheese burger, piled high with “homemade” macaroni & cheese that looks homemade only if your home is a blue box with “Kraft” emblazoned across it. Raise snark to high.

Take a bite.

Note the well-toasted, locally baked bun. Note the near-perfect sear and proper seasoning level on the patty. Reduce snark back to medium, raise expectations slightly. Chew thoughtfully. Take another bite.

Discuss quality of the burger with tablemates. Dial snark down to low. Remark on the high quality of the burger—with or without extraneous toppings—and completely rethink the experience.

Peel away previous bias and enjoy. Voilà! Strip Mall Surprise!

Tasters’ Notes:

  mac and cheese burger
Chad: I ordered the Mac & Cheese burger. The underlying hamburger patty was excellent, and the bun was perfectly toasted. They also get bonus points for house-cut fries. The mac & cheese provided nothing more than bulk and starch and took away from the experience of the burger itself. This is a well-deserved 4.0 for the burger alone.

Carolina burger

Scott: For a slightly spicier version of the recipe, add pinball machines, 70s-style paneling, and an unremarkable-looking joint serving an unexpectedly remarkable burger. I’m going all the way to 4.0-town for the Carolina burger.

Cheddar burger

Don: Cheddar Burger- Cheddar Cheese: I went with one of the most basic burgers listed and was struck by the nice char on the burger as well. The bun was great and perfectly toasted. My biggest complaint is with the amount of cheese that was used. It was lost on the burger. I don’t know if I actually tasted it in retrospect. All in all a very solid 4.0.

Overall rating:4.0, putting Rally Point Sport Grill at 22 out of 53.

RallyPoint Sport Grill on Urbanspoon

Review #52: Carolina Ale House (Cary)

This review is meant to be enjoyed with a friend—Mad Libs style!

Mad:)Takes - free online Mad Libs™
Mad:)Take

SPORTS-THEMED CHAIN RESTAURANT…VERY POPULAR…LIKE 10-15 LOCATIONS…HELL, JUST SAY “CAROLINA ALE HOUSE”
WORD YOU WOULD USE TO DESCRIBE EVERY STING SOLO ALBUM
PREDICTABLE BURGER TOPPING
SLIGHTLY LESS PREDICTABLE BURGER TOPPING
TRYING-TOO-HARD BURGER TOPPING THAT MAKES YOU SAY “REALLY?”
CELEBRITY WHO IS EXTREMELY FAMOUS, BUT YOU DON’T KNOW WHY
EXACT NAME OF COLLEGE COURSE YOU FOUND SO BORING THAT YOU FORGOT ABOUT IT UNTIL NOW
THING YOU’D MOST LIKE TO BE DOING RIGHT NOW, ENDING IN –ING
THE MOST UNPLEASANT ACTIVITY YOU CAN THINK OF, ENDING WITH –ING
LEAST ATTRACTIVE SUPREME COURT JUSTICE

Scott’s review: 4.25

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Chad’s review: 3.25

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Michael’s review: 3.25

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Overall ranking: 27th out of 52.

Carolina Ale House on Urbanspoon

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