Ask the Burgistrist

It’s McTreatable!

DEAR DR. BLUMENTHAL: I have eaten a McDonald’s Quarter Pounder with Cheese meal deal every week for the last 30 years. This seems to be the highlight of my work week. The morning of my lunchtime trip, I get as excited about lunch as if I was going to Disneyland. When I’ve eaten the last bite of my tasty meal, I find I am a little sad, but start looking forward to next week. Should I seek help for my condition or should I continue to embrace this behavior? —ADDICTED TO McDELICIOUSNESS

Dear McDELICIOUSNESS: You suffer from a rare but treatable condition called Grimacptosis (grimace-tosis), sometimes referred to as Hamburglarrhea. It affects roughly 1 in every 1 persons in the United States. Various over-the-counter treatments are available, including Mojoe’s in Raleigh, The Corner Tavern in Cary, and Buns in Chapel Hill. If geography is an obstacle, take one hamburger at your nearest Five Guys and call me in the morning. —SCOTT BLUMENTHAL, PH.B, LICENSED BURGIATRIST