2012: The Year in Burgiatry

 

As we nibble the last french fry of 2012 and call for the end-of-the year check, we pause for a moment of reflection—on the great burgers, on the not-so-great burgers, on the momentous advances in burgiatry, and on the equally momentous changes in personnel, masterminded at our secret underground lair.

Let us stroll through the burgiatric year that was, shall we?

• This wraps up three full years of The Straight Beef. In all, we’ve racked up 37 official burger reviews and myriad features—like “Renegade Reviews,” “The Tao of Cow,” and “Ask the Burgiatrist”—that have become shining beacons of hope and solace to our loyal readers.

• The Straight Beef became burgiatrists-in-residence at WRAL’s “Out & About” site, providing the hungry masses with hard-hitting reviews to help them navigate the Triangle burger scene. In July, the site featured The Straight Beef’s top burgers in its “Our Five Faves” series.

• We delved even greater into the depths of burger fanaticism with our irregular feature “There’s a McDifference,” in which intrepid burgiatrist Dave Foley investigates the arcane distinctions between the products at various area McDonald’s locations.

• We reached the highest peaks, anointing Chuck’s the Triangle’s best hamburger (so far).

• We plumbed the greatest depths, issuing our first one-star review for a hamburger so horrifying that a shaken Dr. Marino was forced to exclaim, “It was the fevered dream of a madman…I only pray that children were never exposed to it.” We dare not speak its name.

• One of our Top 10 joints, Hurricane Grill & Wings, featured The Straight Beef’s 4.33 rating in its radio campaign, marking an uneasy intersection of hamburger science and commerce.

• Sadly, the stresses of advanced burgiatry proved too great for Straight Beef founding member Dr. John McManus, who succumbed to the temptation, nay, the depravity, of a vegetable-based “hamburger,” and was summarily dismissed from the burgiatric community. Rehabilitation is a long and difficult road, but we hope that with the loving help of his family–and strong psychotropic drugs–he may yet recover.
  

• Following Dr. McManus’s fall from grace, The Straight Beef recruited two new members, the Reverend Donald Corey and Chad Ward, to carry on the proud traditions of our institution.

Now, as we look forward to 2013…

The Straight Beef promises an expanded posting schedule, including burger news, information, and guidance with Chad’s new feature “Notes from the Burger Underground,” and burger truth to rile your soul with Don’s new feature “Reverend Rants.”

Meanwhile, keep an eye out for our first review of 2013, which may very well rock the very foundations of the hallowed Top Five list. Stay tuned.

Burger on!