Author: michaelm

Review #29: Hurricane Grill and Wings (Cary, NC) – CLOSED

This review was originally published on WRAL Out and About.

The Straight Beef: Hurricane Wings and Grill, Cary

Does Raleigh’s Biggest ‘Burb Have a New Best Burger?

Scott’s Review

In burgiatry school, we’re trained to be wary of burgers purveyed at joints specializing in something else (e.g., avoid the patty melt at Sushi Thai). Sure, you’ll occasionally stumble upon a great non-burger-joint burger like the one at Bonefish Grill (TSB rating = 4.42), which would move even the stodgiest classical burgiatrist to stand up and say “yum.” But that’s rare.

Well, it happened again—this time in grand fashion.

Hurricane Grill and Wings, a chain restaurant out of Florida that specializes in wings out the wazoo, has opened one other location in the Southeastern United States—and our fair Cary, North Carolina, wins big.

I’ll mention but not dwell on how good the wings were. My goodness they were good. My goodness.

For it was the Hurricane’s burger—a humble, traditional, flat-grill beauty with a quality, flavorful patty and a bun that knows when to stay out of the way—that’s the cause for a strong southeasterly gale around TSB headquarters. Hearkening us back to the pure, undiluted burger power of Mojoe’s and Johnson’s, two TSB favorites, Hurricane Wings and Grill offers one non-burger-joint burger that made these burgiatrists stand up and say, with no hint of shame, “yum.”

Scott’s Review: 4.5 out of 5.0

    

John’s Review

I seeeeee yooooou.

Though I could have guessed it by the formulaic beach-life tchotchke décor (which actually suits this surf bum quite well), the fact that Hurricane Wings and Grill was a chain was revealed to me only after the burger was consumed. The knowledge that it was a chain would not have dimmed my expectations (my maxim has always been “burger bliss is where you find it”); the fact that it was a non-burger-centric chain might have.

But that would have been unfair. Burgers are not the marquee item on Hurricane’s menu, but they should be—or perhaps at least share twin billing with the blockbuster wings.

Hurricane offers a very flavorful chuck patty cooked (in my case) a light medium, on a soft bun, with gooey melted American cheese. While my tomato was a little thin and crystalline, Hurricane got one major thing right with the veggies…drum roll, please…shredded iceberg lettuce! The only area where Hurricane went awry here was the order of the build, with the veggies on the bottom, the tomato longing to be in its rightful place next to the mayo. I pushed that frustration aside and opened my heart to this burger, and it filled me with warm, burger bliss.

John’s review: It’s a solid 4.5, folks.

    

Michael’s Review

Thirty. Two. Wing. Sauces. Thirty-two. Any of them can be added to a burger—or anything else between bread. If our oft-imagined fictional sister site thestraightwing.com actually existed, we’d discuss it there. Until then, you’ll just have to try them yourself. On to the burger. I ordered the bacon cheeseburger with American cheese, lettuce, tomato, pickles—and the Thai ginger and garlic sauce.

The juicy patty was mildly seasoned and fully covered with cheese. The order of the build, however, was perplexing. The shredded lettuce, average tomato, and pickles were beneath the patty. Mind-boggling. Also, the bacon was tasteless and limp. It tasted like it was cooked in the microwave, or sitting in a warmer for awhile. The ginger glaze, though, elevated the overall burger experience. The soft, top-notch bun held everything together.

Overall, it was a great burger, but the unorthodox build and sub-par bacon keep me from rating it higher than a 4.

Michael’s review: 4.0 out of 5.0

    

Final note: Hurricane’s overall score (4.33) makes its burger a close second to our top-rated Cary burger, Barry’s Café (4.50)—but just barely.

Hurricane Grill & Wings on Urbanspoon

Guest Burgiatrist Review – Chuck’s (Raleigh, NC)

Budding Burgiatrist Breathes Cy of Relief

The Straight Beef was recently contacted by Duke School student Cy Neff, who chose food criticism—burger reviewing in particular—as the subject for his eighth grade project. Cy impressed us immediately, from his interest in condiment placement to his mention of the “ongoing crusade against kaiser rolls” to his assertion that “the only thing better than eating a burger is intelligently eating a burger.” The young man was clearly wise beyond his years.

We had the pleasure of meeting with Cy and teaching him some burgiatric ropes. A few weeks later, he sent us the review below—his own take on TSB’s highest-ranked burger joint, Chuck’s (downtown Raleigh). Remember Cy’s name. You’ll want to say you knew him when.

Review of Chuck’s

by Cy Neff, guest burgiatrist

This review has been a painful experience for me. Why? Because Chuck’s was quite the opposite.

The first time I went to Chuck’s, it was because of all the glowing reviews, all of the great things I’d heard about it. I was not disappointed. I boldly declared to my teachers that this was the restaurant I’d review for my project, and that I’d go back as soon as possible. As soon as I said it, I realized my mistake. My mistake? Chuck’s makes one of the best burgers—if not the best burger—I’ve had in my life. But there was my dilemma. Who likes writing a positive review when criticizing a bad one is so much more fun?

So I hoped and hoped that maybe my first Chuck’s experience was a fluke. Maybe it was pure luck and coincidence that my burger was perfectly cooked. It was probably also a fluke that the chocolate cake milkshake was as good as advertised, if not better. And the fact that everyone else seemed to have a great burger there? Obviously coincidence.

On my return trip to Chuck’s, I was once again disappointed. Once again, the unnaturally comfortable wooden chairs and the seamless blend of black, red, and white colors with the music in the background created a frustratingly well-fitting atmosphere. Once again, the milkshake was outstanding. The half-pound Belgian fries were the only thing that didn’t warrant a 10 out of 10, but even they were saved by their sauces (a variety of aiolis, mayos, and mustards), which were an 11. My last hope for even some mediocrity was the burger.

I opted for a classic, with pickles, onions, tomatoes—all the stuff that usually comes with one. The burger arrived. My hopes for anything less than perfection were ripped out, stomped into the ground, and steamrolled. The middle of the meat was a perfect pink, its flavor not drowned out by the toppings. Aside from being the best burger I’ve ever had, it left me with one question: Chuck’s burgers are perfectly charred on the entire outside. Not just the top, not just the bottom, the same level of perfect char all around. How do they manage that? I don’t know, but does it really matter? The burger is a picture of perfection, so I’ll definitely be back.

    

Review #28: Tobacco Road Sports Cafe (Raleigh, NC)

Ah, heck, we couldn’t help but defer to the classic method: three burgers, three voices. Here’s the latest one…

(This review was originally posted over on WRAL: Out and About.)

TOBACCO ROAD SPORTS CAFE IN RALEIGH:

TOO “ARROGANT”?

Scott’s Review

“Is everything going okay? I’m nervous.” Our server was clearly uneasy as she collected our plates; she knew that we were renowned burgiatrists.

“Did you cook the burgers?” Michael asked her.

“Me? No.”

“Then you’re fine.”

Truth be told, my less-than-effusive opinion of “The Arrogant” Burger at Tobacco Road Sports Cafe in Raleigh was partly a result of my own waywardness, as I broke a cardinal rule of burgiatry: “For each burger, a mind clear of expectations.” Though burger linguists have long debated the exact meaning of the original Latin (Te osculari volui, burger), the verse is generally taken to mean that we should ignore florid descriptions (“black pepper-crusted patty with Arrogant Bastard Ale mustard”), beguiling accoutrement (“your choice of side,” including “sweet potato mash”), and seductive come-hither website burger pics.

On the one hand, I stand guilty of the abovementioned trespass. On the other hand, the burger just wasn’t that good.

Scott’s review: 2.75 out of 5.

    

Michael’s Review

First, let me say that offering 3-ounce servings of draught beers for $1 each —especially with a beer list as sizable as Tobacco Road’s—is brilliant. That said…

mmmmm...beer

Despite having been burned by cheese-filled burgers in the past, I went with the Stuffed Burger—a patty crammed with cheese and topped with bacon, more cheese, and caramelized shallots. It is difficult to cook cheese inside a burger. If it’s not cooked enough, the burger falls apart. Too much, the cheese is cooked to tastelessness. Tobacco Road got it right. It was gooey goodness. Plus, the bacon was crispy and the shallots retained very good flavor through the caramelization. Problem was, the patty was bland—and, though saved by the cheese—a little dry. For that reason, the Stuffed Burger doesn’t quite make a four-rating in my book.

Overall, though Tobacco Road Sports Cafe was a great place, the service was excellent, and I can’t wait to sample the rest of the menu. I’ll be back.

Michael’s rating: 3.75 out of 5.

    

John’s Review

Dressed to the nines. Everything precisely in its place. In outline, she was stirringly well-proportioned. In fashion she was adorned in luxuriant, complementary colors and textures. The vision of her set my rods and cones into an electric hum. As she accompanied the waitress to our table, it was urgent that she join me and we begin the passionate love affair I was certain would ensue.

Maybe next time, sweetheart.

Suddenly, she was before me. I breathed her warm and satisfying air. Then, with no need or time for pointless banter, I brought her to my lips and discovered…that the Tobacco Road burger—just the basic this time—looks much better than it is. The bun (not a kaiser!—can I get an amen?) appeared house-baked and was good, but a little dry. The patty was overcooked and a bit bland. Leaf lettuce was a little soggy and had me pining for shredded iceberg. There was the promise of love and yet, though she was lovely, she lacked personality and depth. After a few dates, I will likely move on.

John’s review: 3.5 out of 5

    

 

Tobacco Road Sports Cafe on Urbanspoon

There’s a McDifference!

There’s a McDifference!

By Dave Foley, guest burgiatrist

One of our classmates at burgiatry school, Dave Foley, has developed a new burgiatric niche: rating McDonald’s. Not the restaurant chain in general, mind you, but each store individually. But the burgers are identical at every McDonald’s, you say? Tell that to the author of The Straight Beef’s feature, There’s a McDifference!

Review 2: 1567 Hwy 70 W, Garner

This shopping mall—Lowes shopping center at 401 and 70—is really crowded, and the parking lot for the McDonalds is always full, except I always seem to find the last parking space. My favorite saltwater fish aquarium store is in this mall, so it’s worth a visit.

Quarter Pounder: Mixed reviews for this Quarter Pounder. The meat is almost flavorless. It’s like they’re just cooking ground beef patties with absolutely no seasoning. The biggest disappointment, though, is the bun. It’s kind of hard on the outside, and you wind up poking holes in it just by holding it. Either they are not overly fresh or they toast them and let them get cold. The redeeming ingredient, though, is the onions. This McDonald’s cuts them into smaller pieces (most others cut them into those really big slices, which requires strategic arranging for good burger coverage), which pulls the weight for the whole burger. This time, that allowed for a surprisingly tasty burger all the way through—almost. The flavor train had ended by the last few bites, so I ended up with a very bland finish.

Fries: I think they overcook the fries here by a minute or two. It doesn’t affect the larger individual fries, but those little guys definitely pay the price. The salting is also very inconsistent. The result was that some of the fries were very good, but others were overcooked and unsalted.

Atmosphere: They really have gone the extra mile here to create a relaxing environment. If you enter through the main entrance, you’ll see a nice fountain in the entryway. They also have a huge play area with a separate bathroom. Along the far wall they have a row of nice lounge chairs facing a flat-screen TV. It seems to say, “Come on in and enjoy a cup of coffee.”

Burger rating: 2 out of 5 Grimaces

    

WRAL Out & About: Bull City Burger and Brewery, Durham

Special Announcement from The Straight Beef

Greetings, fellow burgiatrists. We’re pleased to announce that WRAL has invited The Straight Beef to serve as its burgiatrists-in-residence, and we have humbly accepted the post. Starting today, WRAL.com’s Out & About section will feature one new TSB review a month. But have no fear; we’ll also post the new reviews onwww.thestraightbeef.com, along our Peabody-winning features such as The Tao of Cow, There’s a McDifference!, and Ask the Burgiatrist. The main difference is that there will be one fuller review instead of three shorter ones, though we the overall burgiatric value is the same. (We measured it.) Please join us as we embark on this new adventure. Together, we shall rule the galaxy as father and son. Or something like that.

Michael, Scott, and John

The Straight Beef

Bull City Burger and Brewery, Durham

Burger category: Look at Me!

(Originally published at WRAL Out & About.)

Our first Out & About mission brought us to Bull City Burger and Brewery in downtown ­Durham, to tame the wild comestibles of BCBB’s “exotic meats March.” So we packed our jungle-clearing knives, donned our wide-brim safari caps, and wrapped ourselves in mosquito netting. (Note: That wasn’t for the review; that’s just how we dress.)

Bull City Burger and Brewery is about as cool as they come—a hip, down-home, college-y hotspot, featuring an in-house brewery, self-serve wine dispensers, Boylan fountain sodas, and menu items with pleasingly weird names like “duck frites and “bull nuts.” BCBB uses North Carolina pasture-raised beef, bakes its own buns, and concocts its own condiments. Applause all around on those counts. Our first visit to BCBB was on the decidedly negative side, but, we thought, marking our path with reflective jungle-marking tape as we entered the restaurant, this was a day of new, exotic beginnings.

The exotic meat of the night? Alligator.

Nothing at burgiatry school could have prepared us for this. Non-cow burgiatry is an emotionally charged issue in the burger community, and few experts have dared explore the terrain. During our sophomore year, one professor conducted a clandestine seminar called “Elk vs. Antelope Meat: Which Is Weirder?” and was denied tenure. So naturally we were apprehensive. In addition to the alligator burger, we ordered the BCBB Burger of the Day—with mozzarella cheese and a fried egg—to keep one foot in beefa firma.

Cow vs. alligator. Nature's oldest rivalry.

And now a sentence we never thought we’d utter: The gator was surprisingly tasty.

The fact that the alligator was served modestly—just bun, lettuce, and “special sauce”—bode well for the burger; we’d been burned before by condiments-related atrocities designed to mask an otherwise mediocre patty. The gator itself was reminiscent of sausage, though more heavily spiced and with a subtle fishy flavor. The “special sauce” was a tomato-onion-bell pepper concoction reminiscent of scallopini sauce, and who could say no to meat from an 800-pound lizard topped with scallopini sauce? Certainly not we. In fact, we preferred the gator burger to the standard beef fare, which was good but not exceptional.

Size was a considerable drawback, as BCBB burgers of every genus are on the small side. Prices on the exotics ($13) and daily specials ($11) are a bit steep—despite the A+ fries that come standard.

Above all, Bull City Burger and Brewery is to be commended for its bold shake-up of the Triangle burger universe. Just don’t make the same mistake we did: Before you start eating, remove the mosquito netting.

Our review of the gator burger:

Michael 4.25/5

    

Scott: 4/5

    

Our New Feature: There’s a McDifference!

Introducing our New McFeature

One of our classmates at burgiatry school, Dave Foley, has developed a new burgiatric niche: rating McDonald’s. Not the restaurant chain in general, mind you, but each store individually. But the burgers are identical at every McDonald’s, you say? Tell that to the author of The Straight Beef’s new feature, There’s a McDifference!

Dave’s Intro

I love McDonald’s. I have been eating McDonald’s at least once a week (recently on Wednesdays) for the last 30 years, and I order the same meal every single time: a Quarter Pounder With Cheese (no pickles) Meal Deal. Just the thought of my usual Wednesday McLunch brings joy to my heart. You may not be aware of this—and you may not believe it—but every McDonald’s tastes a little different. I have learned which McDonald’s are better than others.

During high school, I was trained and worked under some top chefs, learning how to prepare burgers at one of the fast-food giant’s competitors: Wendy’s. Although I learned how to craft a great burger, my allegiance was always to my first love.

My burgiatric colleagues have asked me to share my experience, and to help others find McDonald’s euphoria. I have eaten at almost every McDonald’s in Raleigh, Cary, Apex, Garner, and Holly Springs. As part of this series, I will visit a different McDonald’s each time and share what I like and dislike about the restaurant and my meal.

There’s a McDifference!

Review 1: McDonald’s at 2010 Kildaire Farm Rd, Cary

I’m starting at this one because it’s consistently my favorite McDonald’s, and this is the one I eat at most often. The owner of this McDonald’s, who owns a few others in the area, displays a calendar advertising the special deal of the day. Quarter Pounder day used to be on Wednesdays, which was a double bonus for me, but they have moved it to another day of the week. I’m almost over my bitterness and won’t dock them for this inconvenience.

Quarter Pounder: This McDonald’s delivers the most consistently good burger with the best flavor. If you nibble the meat that sticks out of the bun before digging in, you’ll find the meat is not too dry, not too moist, and has just the perfect amount of seasoning. I love pepper, and the patty has a definite pepper flavor. On this visit, it almost tasted like eating a peppercorn steak on a bun. Yummy!

Fries: Their fries at this McDonald’s are also consistent good, with that nice crisp on the outside and moistness on the inside—with a minimum of the crunchy end cuts. The fries break apart easily while you’re eating them, rather than giving you the feeling you’re chewing French fry gum. They also do a good job salting. I always grab a salt packet but rarely do I have to use it here. If anything, they’re usually very skimpy on quantity in the medium-size fries.

Atmosphere: After a complete redesign—it’s now a “green” McDonald’s—the place is very informative about all the construction methods and “green” devices that were used, including the high-tech, low-energy hand dryers in the bathrooms. For you electric car drivers, they have an electric pump outside, though I have never seen anyone using it.

There are two flat-screen TVs in the restaurant, one usually showing ESPN and the other a kids’ show. There is no play area at this McDonald’s, but the interactive nature of the place makes up for this shortcoming.

Burger rating: 4.5 out of 5 Grimaces

    

Review #27: Hayes Barton Café and Dessertery (Raleigh, NC)

(HBCD has one style of burger: “The Bogey Burger,” a cooked-to-order, name-your-toppings offering in the Classic Rocks category.)

A rare moment devoid of burgiatric gravitas.

Michael’s Review

I am not much of a cheesecake guy, but Hayes Barton is making me rethink that. Great pumpkin cheesecake pie. This is good. Pumpkin pie taste combined with that smooth, rich cheesecake consistency. Wow.

Oh yes—the burger? Right. Okay. I’ll get to that.

Mmm…lemon cake. Are you kidding me? This cake is bigger than my head. Light cake with lemon filling and fresh blueberries. An amazing mélange of textures and flavors.

Yes, yes—the burger. Almost forgot. Decent flavor, nothing outstanding. I got the feeling they threw it on the menu just to round it out.

This peanut butter mousse pie is amazing. Easily a hand tall and fluffy as a cloud. I can confidently say that this is one of the best desserts I have ever eaten.

Right—the burger review. Well, there are plenty of good reasons to go to Hayes Barton. Most of them are in the dessert case. I give the desserts a 5 out of 5. The burger gets a 3.25.

    

If that burger leaves the kitchen and you don't eat it, you'll regret it. Maybe not today. Maybe not tomorrow, but soon and for the rest of your life.

Scott’s Review

A disclaimer: Of the 2,900+ burger reviews I’ve written throughout my career, this is the first time I’m starting with a clear bias. The Hayes Barton Café & Dessertery is one of my favorite restaurants in the Triangle—maybe #1—and it’s just about impossible for me to judge a meal there without the myriad positive associations that preceded it: the succulent, homemade, best-meal-I’ve-had-in-months dishes; the 1940s nightclub-esque elegance, music, and décor; and, of course, the outstanding (and gargantuan) cakes and pies that—even without the exceptional entrées and setting—elevate HBCD to a level somewhere around Neptune. So if you find yourself halfway through my review questioning my objectivity, you’re on a one-way steamer to Right Town. I’m Hayes-Barton all the way, baby.

My review: The burger was very good. 4 out of 5.

    

John’s Review

I urge you to go to Hayes Barton for the flavor.

The burger was a decent-quality cookie-cutter mass-produced patty on a nothing-special bun with okay cheese and veggies and disappointing mayo (switch to Hellman’s or Duke’s, guys!), cooked and assembled well enough to eke out a 3.5. So that’s the burger.

But the flavor—this place is loaded with flavor!

Cozy cozy cozy atmosphere, with a WWII/AMC theme (think P52 Mustangs, Bogie and Bacall, and a black-and-white classic flick playing quietly up in a corner of the dining room). Low, dark ceilings, soft lighting, walls covered in framed pictures and nostalgia, and the front glass windows and door affording a safe and satisfying view of the chilly city street. Friendly proprietors and staff, a nice back story, a surprisingly solid menu (despite my burger rating), nearly perfect crinkle fries, and DIVINE, ETHEREAL, SUBLIME HOUSE-MADE DESSERTS.

If you don’t go for the burger, go for all of the other “flavors” I mentioned. If you go for only one reason (and you should), go for the desserts. I want to cry as I think of them now, they are so sweet and savory.

    

Hayes Barton Cafe & Dessertery on Urbanspoon

Review #26: Backyard Bistro (Raleigh, NC)

John’s Review

Build Your Own Burger (Classic Rocks)

I don’t know anyone with flat-screen TVs in all four corners of their backyard, much less the humendous (a word crafted by my three-year-old daughter; ginormous is so played) monster screens that you face while dining at Backyard Bistro, with football players looming and leaping literally larger than life. However, the name of this establishment certainly fits when you bite into its juicy grilled burger. It has a thick, high-quality patty that—when you sample a pure bite—is full of charred backyard flavor.

A little too full, if you ask me (and of course you do, by reading these lines).

When it comes to Classic Rocks burgers, I’m on the record as favoring the flat-grill over the open-flame grill. A flat grill imparts a pure charred flavor without the smokiness of an open flame. I could consume a good flat-grill Classic Rocks burger of at least a 4.0 rating every day of my life without tiring of it. I am occasionally in the mood for a good, smoky open-grill burger once in a while, but wouldn’t choose to partake more than once a week. Backyard Bistro’s patty is particularly strong on the open-grill smoky char, so perhaps no more than every two weeks on that one. Add to it the fact that it comes on another God-forsaken Kaiser roll and it’s perhaps every two and a half weeks. That said, when I am due for one, I will enjoy it, thanks to that quality patty, fresh vegetables, and a good job by the Grill Master in the back.

For my refined burgiatric sensibilities, it is a solid 3.5. For those of you with more of a palate for the open-flame smoky char when it comes to Classic Rocks, you’re likely in the realm of a 4.0 and will be quite pleased (though certainly a bit less refined).

    

Michael’s Review

Backyard Burger (Look at Me!)

Recently, I’ve begun to wonder why I am drawn to burgers in the “Look At Me!” category. Throughout my career, I’ve been a bacon cheeseburger burgiatrist, content in the basic goodness of a quality burger. Over the past two years, however, I’ve longed for more. Here’s a short list of burger toppings I’ve had in that time: sweet garlic mayo, bloody mary mayo, kimchee relish, bacon-onion jam, peanut butter, honey, lime-cured cabbage, port wine gravy, smoking hot chili relish, “queso fundido,” fried egg, sautéed garlic spinach, dirty fries, lump crab meat, chili, pepperoni, salami, short ribs, and a hot dog.

Has there been a void in my life that a simple Classic Rocks burger can’t fill?

Hi, I'm Michael, and I like Look At Me burgers.

At Backyard Bistro in Raleigh, I continued my journey down the rabbit hole. I ordered the Backyard Burger—an 8-ounce patty topped with pulled pork, slaw, and “western-style Q sauce.” (It was essentially the Carolina Burger from Tyler’s, with better execution.) The patty was well-contained in the bun, the pork was smoky and tender, and the patty was juicy, with decent flavor. Overall, the Backyard Burger was tasty, but not outstanding.

Did it fill a hole in my heart? No. But it did fill a hole in my belly.

Michael’s review: 3.75 out of 5.

    

Scott’s Review

Build Your Own Burger (Classic Rocks)

Words to describe the five hi-def TVs at Backyard Bistro in Raleigh:

Word to describe the burger at Backyard Bistro:

Designs created at wordle.net

Scott’s Review: 3.25 out of 5

    

Backyard Bistro on Urbanspoon

Review #25: Dain’s Place (Durham, NC)

Scott’s Review

8 oz. Angus Burger (Classic Rocks)

At the time of this writing, the U.S. Congress has yet to approve a Constitutional amendment requiring that burgers be rated by certified professionals. In fact, I know of no bill to this effect before any congress in any state.

This is a crime.

Warning: These statistics will shock you.

The absence of such legislation leaves us subject to everyone with a spatula claiming to have “the best burger in North Carolina.” Or “the best burger in the country.” Or, as at least one purveyor claims, “the best burger anywhere.” Sure—I get it. It sounds better than “arguably one of the better burgers in the vicinity” or “among the top 15 burgers in Pittsfield.” But c’mon, people, must we be so cavalier with our absolutes? Must we sling the word “best” like a drunken tailgater with a cornhole bag?

I say no.

Dain’s Place in Durham serves a fine burger. And yes, apparently it’s ranked #10 on the venerable list of “50 Best College Bars in America.” And yes, its 8-ounce Angus burger is respectable, even quite tasty. But does it really offer the “best burger in the Triangle,” as its website augurs? Until the fat cats in Washington get their priorities straight and illegalize such proclamations, we’ll never know.

Scott’s review: 3.25 out of 5.

    

Michael’s Review

The Defibrillator (Look at Me!)

“So, what are you guys in the mood for?” Scott asked.

“I’m going to go with something I love to do at home,” John said. “I’ll just cover it with ketchup and pepper. The essence of the patty will shine through.”

Scott turned from the temporarily insane John to me. “How about you?”

“I don’t know. Definitely not the Defibrillator.” It wasn’t going to get the restaurant’s signature burger, yet it called to me: An 8-ounce patty. With cole slaw. No, I can’t. And sweet chili. Sweet Jesus. And a hot dog. What?! I’ll just get a bacon cheeseburger. Definitely not the Defibrillator.

The waiter came to the table and sat next to Scott. “What can I get for you?”

While Scott ordered his standard and John ordered his ketchup concoction, I kept myself focused: Bacon cheeseburger, bacon cheeseburger, bacon cheeseburger. The waiter looked at me expectantly.

“The Defibrillator.”

What? I just ordered a burger with a chili dog and a side of slaw on it. What is wrong with me?

Hefty hefty hefty. Wimpy wimpy wimpy.

But once it arrived, all doubt was erased. The sweet chili, salty dog, and crispy slaw elevated the otherwise average patty to the centerpiece of an overall fine burger. If you don’t think you can stomach the full-on experience, split it with someone; Dain’s is really on to something with this burger. Make the trip to Durham and enjoy.

Michael’s review: 4 out of 5.

    

John’s Review

8 oz. Angus Burger (Classic Rocks; no cheese for a total focus on the patty I’d heard so much about)

This will be brief, as Dain’s warrants only a few words, despite what I had been led to believe about it. The patty was fresh but disappointingly bland (which would typically indicate low-grade ground chuck and an insufficiently seasoned flat grill). The bun was traditional and acceptable. I found the burger to be a 3.25 at best. I would be surprised if ever I Dain to eat another burger there again.

John’s Review: 3.25 out of 5

    

Dain's Place on Urbanspoon

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